Congress Vegs Out

Congress seems to have gotten into the political satire game. Guess if you can’t beat Colbert and Stewart, join ‘em.

While we’re certainly known to have a rub every now and then with the USDA (okay, authority in general) it would be hard to argue with the recently passed Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. Ditto for the USDA’s new proposed standards for school lunch which are based on the recommendations of the Institute of Medicine (IOM). While in general, we’d rather see folks surrender to the time-honored lessons of nature and two fingers or so of common sense, we support the idea of putting emphasis on a greater diversity of veggies and whole grains.

But the sanity train derailed this week when Congress chose to undo these mostly sound nutritional recommendations in favor of some light thinking and heavy influence. First the potato lobby, err, Congress has decided to put french fries back on the menu via a nutritional “reclassification.” Then our esteemed members of the legislative branch decided to classify pizza as a vegetable in school lunches, arguing that two tablespoons of tomato paste justifies the definition. And just in time—those jokes about ketchup getting the veggie nod under Ronnie were getting ripe.

Congress also got pizza back on the plate by thin-slicing the definition of whole grains (talk about playing with your food) and undercutting USDA standards proposing that it would take at least a half-cup of tomato paste to be considered a vegetable, replacing it with the aforementioned two tablespoons. Then again, once you have to start “defining” vegetables, it’s all Charlie Sheensville.

You’d need at least four slices to get to a half-cup, but that’d blow the calorie guidelines. Okay, those were just dumb to begin with, and wait, before you try to spit out that little present you just threw up in your mouth, don’t forget that this is for a government-funded school lunch program.

As you might guess, more than a few people got their knickers in a knot, like the retired military Generals of Mission: Readiness. The old brass got together because they are concerned about childhood obesity and how it will impact America’s battle readiness. Amy Dawson Taggart, the organization’s director, called the actions of Congress “a national disgrace.”

No surprise, the White House and Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack are spitting mad, saying through their spokesperson, “While it’s unfortunate that some members of Congress continue to put special interests ahead of the health of America’s children, USDA remains committed to practical, science-based standards for school meals.” Take that, Congress.

Naked sees this as another sorry symptom of a society, both complicit and turned upside down by a tsunami of blather—ranging from science to policy to hucksterism to corporate irresponsibility—that has effectively removed us from the lessons of nature and biology, replacing a hard-wired nutritional blueprint with a diet our bodies no longer recognize as food. The good news is that, despite all of this, we’ve remained painfully close to a solution. Even better, sometimes it can taste like pizza (just not the other kind).

We fully get the irony of a pizza company condemning the tacit support of consumption of said pizza (all boats and obesity levels rise?) but no friendo, not like this and not the kind of pizza made from a single, highly processed grain, loaded with sugar or high fructose corn syrup and other freaky chemicals. If we’re going to make a dent in the universe it will be because, together, we regained consciousness and paused long enough to hear the wisdom of the ancients and share an honest pizza.

You may argue that the government shouldn’t be telling schools what to serve, and you may be right. We’d love to hear your opinion on our Facebook page, Twitter feed or for the painfully shy, email us at info@nakedpizza.biz; let’s engage.